Maybe It’s Not “All of a Sudden.” Maybe Women Are Just Ignored.

Every few months, like clockwork, someone appears on the internet to announce that apparently everyone is “AuDHD now.” Usually with the same tone people use when discussing oat milk or astrology. Slightly suspicious. Mildly irritated. Deeply under-researched. This week, I saw a version of:

“Maybe you’re not AuDHD. Maybe you’re just dyspraxic.”

And I had to take a deep breath. Not because dyspraxia (Developmental Coordination Disorder, DCD) isn’t real, it absolutely is. DCD is a recognised neurodevelopmental condition primarily involving difficulties with motor coordination, fine motor skills, planning movement, and physical coordination. Clumsiness, handwriting difficulties, bumping into doorframes like your body is operating on a delayed software update, yes, absolutely. It’s in the DSM-5. It’s real. (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23963-dyspraxia-developmental-coordination-disorder-dcd)

But here is where people start doing interpretive dance with diagnostic nuance: Dyspraxia is not Autism. Dyspraxia is not ADHD. And AuDHD is not just medical clumsiness with a few borrowed personality traits. That is not how any of this works.

AuDHD Is Not Being Clumsy but Interesting

AuDHD refers to the co-occurrence of Autism and ADHD. Not quirky overlap or an internet trend. Not “everyone’s a bit neurospicy these days.” Vom.

It's a legitimate dual neurodevelopmental presentation, and importantly: autism and ADHD were not even allowed to be diagnosed together until DSM-5 changed that in 2013. Before that, many people (especially women - of course) were diagnosed with one, the other, anxiety, depression, “difficult personality,” or the timeless clinical favourite: maybe just loose some weight. (National Geographic)

Experts note that overlapping traits can actually mask each other, contributing to widespread underdiagnosis, particularly among - you guessed it - women and girls. (National Geographic)

So no, it’s not that everyone suddenly has AuDHD when really it's something else. Actually, Sharon down the road is dyspraxic (as she loves to tell people), and maybe that means you don't have AuDHD, you're dyspraxic too, like she is. Did I mention she's dyspraxic?

Women Were Not Missed by Accident

Somehow, when boys present with neurodivergence, it’s:

let’s investigate

And when women do, it’s:

have you tried a planner?

Women are disproportionately diagnosed with:

• anxiety

• depression

• personality disorders

• burnout

• “stress”

• being told they’re too sensitive

• being told they’re too much

• being told they’re somehow both lazy and trying too hard

Instead of anyone asking the much more useful question:

what if her brain actually works differently?

Late-diagnosed women are not evidence of overdiagnosis. We are evidence of decades of diagnostic laziness wearing a cape and squirrel slippers.

Yes, There Is Overlap. No, They Are Not the Same

This is where nuance matters. DCD can absolutely overlap with autism and ADHD. NHS resources explicitly note that neurotypes overlap and often occur together. (rhcg.org.uk). Someone can have:

• dyspraxia + ADHD

• dyspraxia + autism

• all three

• or none of the above and simply be someone who spills tea like it’s a personality trait

But overlap is not equivalence. DCD’s core diagnostic feature is motor coordination difficulty, fine and gross motor skills significantly below expected levels for age, affecting daily life. (Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board)

AuDHD is the interaction of autistic and ADHD traits:

• executive dysfunction

• sensory overwhelm

• social processing differences

• hyperfocus and attention dysregulation

• impulsivity fighting structure

• the deeply glamorous experience of your brain arguing with itself in surround sound

These are not interchangeable. Reducing AuDHD to “maybe you’re just dyspraxic” is like saying:

maybe you’re not drowning, maybe you’re just a bit damp.

Technically related. Wildly reductive.

The “Why Is Everyone Diagnosed Now?” Crowd

Because we finally started looking.

Because women started talking.

Because the generation raised on “stop being dramatic” grew up and compared notes.

Because mothers getting their children assessed are recognising themselves in the process (a pattern clinicians say is increasingly common.) (National Geographic)

Because masking works. Until it doesn’t.

Because functioning is not the same as thriving.

Because surviving your own life should not be the diagnostic threshold.

Misdiagnosis Has Consequences

This isn’t semantics. It affects:

• medication

• workplace support

• education

• relationships

• self-worth

• the ability to stop thinking you are simply failing at being a person

When women are misdiagnosed for years, we don’t just lose access to support, we build an identity around being the problem. That is not a personality quirk. That is institutional neglect that impacts who we are and how we see ourselves. Mental health issues - yes, and why might that be? Ah yes, being prescribed anti-depressants rather than actually being heard.

Be small, be polite, be quiet and maybe they won't notice how disturbingly loud my brain is whirring... Remember that time 12 years ago when you said that well-meaning thing and that person got upset and their partner got mad and neither has spoken to you since? No? Just me then.

(I've live that moment at least once a week ever since, and still makes my stomach hurt. What could I have said differently? Nothing. Stay quiet, and no-one will hate you. My brain is loud. It doesn't stop.)

The Real Issue Is Not Overdiagnosis. It’s Under-Respect.

People love to panic about labels, but labels are often the first act of mercy. The problem isn’t that too many women are being diagnosed. The problem is how many had to white-knuckle their way through life first, and how quickly people rush to dismiss them with:

maybe "it’s just…"

Just anxiety. Just hormones. Just dyspraxia. Just stress. Just overthinking. Women have been dying of “just” for centuries.

Final Thought

Just because you are the centre of your own universe doesn't make you entitled to dictate the lived experience of others. If someone tells you they’re exploring AuDHD, the least useful response is amateur diagnostic improv. Especially if your understanding begins and ends at “well I’m clumsy too.” Sometimes the most radical thing you can do is believe women when they describe their own minds. Revolutionary, I know.

Why this is Relevant to Everyday Womtras

Honestly, this is half the reason Everyday Womtras exists. So much of womanhood is being told your experience is either too much, too little, or probably wrong. Sometimes what you actually need isn’t another explanation, but something that celebrates your difference and empowers you to explore it your way.

I neither want nor need your opinion

That’s the energy. The products, the writing, the whole mildly unhinged operation. Recognition. Accuracy. Slightly aggressive truth. Because sometimes the most feminist thing you can do

is stop letting people explain you back to yourself.